remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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