Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
