How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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