Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
