I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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