So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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