so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
