i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
