that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
