my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize