So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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