it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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