Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
