Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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