He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
