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ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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