i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.