Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.