So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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