How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
