i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Even my vagina gasped.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.