Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.