I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
