It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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