so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
