So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!