Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.