Umm I'm too high to move.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
