Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.