how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
