Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize