I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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