We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
