I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
