ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
