So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
