guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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