fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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