If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize