We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
