i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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