I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
