the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
