Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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