So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
