Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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