He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
