end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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