he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
