god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize