We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito