I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays