Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.