Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds

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  (702): I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/4g7g
  Replies (9) Good night (1213) Bad night (2983)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.

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  (251): There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged. http://tfl.nu/om7h
  Replies (17) Good night (6023) Bad night (1846)
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  (818): View more from California

  That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!

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  (818): That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister! http://tfl.nu/bmda
  Replies (20) Good night (7081) Bad night (732)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'

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  (215): why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex' http://tfl.nu/kqne
  Replies (63) Good night (7159) Bad night (1449)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

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  (773): Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket. http://tfl.nu/bfmy
  Replies (22) Good night (4039) Bad night (698)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

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  (612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8
  Replies (27) Good night (5864) Bad night (933)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (14335) Bad night (1143)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5732) Bad night (1457)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?

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  (915): Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere? http://tfl.nu/8ktc
  Replies (15) Good night (1220) Bad night (2924)
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  (310): View more from California

  So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.

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  (310): So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked. http://tfl.nu/t6e6
  Replies (7) Good night (752) Bad night (1795)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  I like the way you think.

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  (303): I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming. (1-303): I like the way you think. http://tfl.nu/s14n
  Replies (6) Good night (1823) Bad night (684)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did she buy you pizza?

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  (610): the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around. (215): did she buy you pizza? http://tfl.nu/k5jd
  Replies (9) Good night (2403) Bad night (781)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow

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  (203): The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow http://tfl.nu/7yz5
  Replies (7) Good night (742) Bad night (1117)
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  (530): View more from California

  I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.

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  (530): I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing. http://tfl.nu/7jie
  Replies (6) Good night (1149) Bad night (411)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.

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  (518): I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday. http://tfl.nu/dunc
  Replies (1) Good night (376) Bad night (124)

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