Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Not half as good looking as paul

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge

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  (248): That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul (313): Not half as good looking as paul (248): I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge http://tfl.nu/0tcw
  Replies (5) Good night (1166) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.

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  (816): Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy. http://tfl.nu/eso4
  Replies (37) Good night (1093) Bad night (4128)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night

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  (631): i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night http://tfl.nu/0bmo
  Replies (20) Good night (1159) Bad night (6905)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life

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  (757): just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life http://tfl.nu/it50
  Replies (5) Good night (1172) Bad night (2588)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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  (860): could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper. http://tfl.nu/svv9
  Replies (12) Good night (1447) Bad night (2764)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (2066) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.

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  (925): Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/tojt
  Replies (6) Good night (1446) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.

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  (867): We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/l33f
  Replies (4) Good night (1022) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.

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  (802): when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table. http://tfl.nu/81fa
  Replies (12) Good night (2446) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

  (845): View more from New York

  I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

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  (845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb
  Replies (7) Good night (2014) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.

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  (250): Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November. http://tfl.nu/s7yk
  Replies (4) Good night (732) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.

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  (519): Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth. http://tfl.nu/ne7c
  Replies (5) Good night (779) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."

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  (337): Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her." http://tfl.nu/whil
  Replies (10) Good night (1800) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.

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  (248): Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad. http://tfl.nu/51dc
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.

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  (734): Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation. http://tfl.nu/3zkr
  Replies (0) Good night (114) Bad night (198)

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