I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
