i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
