I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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