I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and she was petting her beer can
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
