I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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