it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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