He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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