those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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