I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm both gender and math confused
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
