im six kinds of drunk right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
