She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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