you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
