Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
