I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
