His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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