Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
