Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
