do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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