U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
