Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
