I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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