dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
