Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize