My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
