You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
3 2 1 whiskey
I got inside last night via doggy door
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
