What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
