whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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